How Do You Handle Rejection?
by Cathy Wagner - posted January 15, 2019

Rejection. For some people, it is the most painful experience imaginable. We turn inward and assume it's our fault or there's something wrong with us. We make up reasons for rejection in our heads like, "If I drove a better car, they would go out with me," or "If I were better looking, they would want to be with me," or "If I made more money, they wouldn't have stopped seeing me." It hurts. We take it personally. It makes us feel as though we're not good enough for someone to care about us.

Now, let's look at it from another angle. If it was a friend who was being rejected, we would want to comfort them and could probably come up with any number of reasons why they shouldn't take it personally. Maybe the person that rejected them is already on a relationship. Maybe they like the opposite gender. Maybe they are getting over a bad relationship. Maybe they have committed to stay single until they can get some other area of their life under control. Maybe they are planning to move away from the area and don't want to become attached locally at the last minute. All of these are valid explanations that have nothing to do with the person who's been rejected, but we rarely apply them to the situation when we are the one being rejected.

And there's still another angle. Think about the times you've rejected someone. Why did you reject them? In most cases, I'm willing to bet it was one of the reasons listed above.

Honestly, I think most people are flattered when someone shows them special attention. In most cases, I think the initial response is to smile whether one is interested or not. There are many people pleasing people who feel bad saying "no" and don't want to run the risk of hurting someone's feelings. And, if that's not the case, someone who doesn't care about the other person's feelings is definitely not someone you want to spend time with, so maybe you could consider yourself lucky that they rejected you.

We need to shift our understanding of rejection. Some opportunities are not right for us and some will not be right for the other person. The stories that we make up to explain another person's behavior are almost always more hurtful than the truth. And we must remember that other people's behavior is more of a reflection of who they are rather than who we are.